‘Puters…. don’t you just hate ‘em sometimes. They hang, they crash, you have to phone help desks and speak to some smarmy git who implies that you are stupid

There is now a solution, get rid of your PC/Laptop/Mac and get an Etch-A-Sketch instead.

There are many sound reasons for doing this:

1. No boot-up problems

2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.

3. No more wasted time reading and writing e-mails.

4. No more worries about power cuts.

5. Budget savings on upgrades unparalleled.

Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don’t shake it.

Say no toand yes

(ok, ok, so you probably heard this joke before, it’s been a slow week!!)

GI

Eradication. Sterilization. Re-Population. Re-Infection.

I will be honest, as much of a fan of the first film as I was, I was a tad Skeptical about the sequal. Normally a completely different director and none of the original cast involves screams “straight to DVD” (Starship Troopers 2 for example), but I am glad to say that me fears were put to rest very quickly.

It remeinds me of Alien to Aliens in terms of a sequel. Alien was quite claustrophobic as was 28 Days later (small cast, not 100’s of infecteds etc) were as Aliens was balls to the wall fighting on a bigger scale, this is what I feel about 28 weeks later.

Like the first one it is full of fast cuts, filtered lenses, little stedi-cam work and a very raw, unpolished look. Although Danny Boyle was not technically involved (although did some of the 2nd unit stuff), it would be easy to think that the same crew were involved in both pics. This movie even features a similar music score to the first one.

28 Days Later, to me was a film that did not require a sequel, normally films that generate unnecessary sequels are just thrown together to ride the cash cow of the previous movie. I am glad to say that it is not the case with 28 Weeks later. A very enjoyable flick which is equal to and in some cases better than it’s predecessor.

I saw a clip for Pirates of the Caribbean 3 before the flick, and after seeing that ChowYun-Fat is in it…. I need to go watch either Hard Boiled or The Killer now to remember how great he is.

Well as much as I hate to turn the Skeptical eye on one of my own, I am afraid that Derren Brown’s latest show Trick or Treat on Channel 4 has compelled me to do so. Myself and The Charming Manipulator are both fans of Mr Brown as he makes no bones about explaining what he does is not, to Quote CM, “weegie waggie” but simple acts of suggestion and manipulation, in fact we are both going to see him live on 31st of May.

In his current show he has picked applicants and gets them to choose a card that either says “Trick” or says “Treat”, if they pick treat, Derren will give them a pleasant experience, if they pick “Trick” they will get a not so pleasent experience, but there in lies the first trick, CM was suspisious about the cards and through further invcestigation discovered that they are ambigrams, so it does not matter what they pick, Derren decides if it is a trick or treat by how he shows us the card, nice one CM.

The one tonight was for a trick on a girl. Derren decided to give the girl a “Weegie Waggie” Outer Body Experience buy showing her own death. Posing as a beauty salon they got a mould of her face and used it to put a mask on an actress playing her. They got her to drive somewhere, during the journey, Derren called her and put her in a trance. they then set the scene of a car accident. When the girl was released from the trance, she was witness to the crash, the other people involved in the trick were actors and told to avoid all contact with the real girl while they acted like the shocked other car driver, the police on the scene and ambulence crew that showed up. Sounds like it would be a pretty freaky experience for the girl huh?

We think that it was bullshit and the girl was in on it from the start. Firstly she does not attempt to interact with any of the actors, she says excuse me a lot to try and get there attention, but makes no attempt to touch them which would shatter the illusion. We are also told that the makers of the show carried out a Psych evaluation on the girl to make sure she would be able to take the trick, however there was no explanation on how they did this, it not like you can assess someone like that without them knowing!!!

Its not that I don’t believe that Brown has talent, I really like him and am looking forward to seeing his live show, and the other segments of the show were very good, its just that I felt that the main segment was poor and that the series in general is not up to scratch.

I do really hope there is a show where he explains how he has done all the stuff in the series as he has failed to explain any of it so far, and thats what normally seperates him from the other illusionists

GI

Over the past year, good old Blighty cinema has brought us a couple of films from the eighties such as “History Boys” and “Starter for 10” and now Shane Meadows joins in with his tale of skinheads in the 80s with “This is England“.

Was at a bit of a loose end tonight so me and Bob thought we would go and check it out.

Firstly, the opening credits will send those of you around my age in to a trip down memory lane as you are shown images of Roland Rat, Knight Rider, Maggie Thach, The Falklands War and other such significant images from the early 80s.

In much the same was as Starter for 10 there is a strong 80s theme to the movies, the majority of the music is Ska based and has quite a lot of the hiddeous fashion senses (complete with big Perms) to add more authenticity to the flick.

Now I will be honest, this is not a light move, it is quite dark, provocative and at times hard going as it follows 12 year old Shaun (Thomas Turgoose) as he gets accepted by a bunch of Skinheads, but slowly falls in with Nazi Skinheads led by Combo (Stephen Graham).

Performances are excellent through out, the movie will make you laugh, make you reminiss (buying your first Doc Martin Boots etc) disturb you and make you think.

I can’t see this movie being everybody’s thing, maybe not one that I would watch over and over agian, but it is a crackin’ first see.

GI

Guy’s good friend Chrissie, who is highly amused with the passion in which he puts debunking all things “Supernatural” asked him his views on Ouija boards. Having never taken part in such things, Guy consulted his resources and came up with the following

History

The Ouija board was first introduced in 1890 as a Parlour Game sold in novelty shops. Originally pronounced “wE-ja” after the Egyptian word for good luck, the definition was changed in 1892 by the game manufacturers saying that “Oui” was the French for “Yes” and “Ja” was the German for “Yes”.

The board usually consists of the letters of the Alphabet inscribed on it along with the words such as “yes”, “no”, “Goodbye” and “maybe” on it. A planchette (a slideable three-legged device) or other pointer manipulated by the “players” and used to answer questions out by spelling out them out via the inscriptions on the board. Somepeople believe that it is supernatural forces that have been contacted and are “guiding” the pointers; Sceptics however have a different explanation.

Ideomotor Effect

The Ideomotor effect describes the influence of suggestion on involuntary and unconscious motor behaviour. If you focus on the idea of making a movement (which you will do with the Ouija board), in all likelihood end up making a tiny movement without realising it. And if say you concentrate on the idea that your hand becomes light, you will find that you make tiny unconscious movements to lift it. Although you may be aware that these movements are happening, you may not be aware that you are Causing them! In the same way that a nerve repeatedly firing can cause a twitch that feels outside your control, so too and ideomotor movement (from idea + movement) will feel like it is happening out with your control.

Not convinced?

How many times have you or other people watch a football match, you see the top scorer for there team beat the defence, line up to shoot and as your Hero kicks the ball, you suddenly perform an involuntary kick, turning the table upside down and spilling the drinks and cheesy nachos everywhere? Why would you do this? There is no football in front of you? You have not been called up to play for any of the teams you are watching. Yet you saw something on a screen that you were so involved in, you soooo wanted the person to kick the ball, your mind instructed your body to perform a function that you were not consciously aware of.

Scientific tests by Psychologists, chemists and other members of the scientific community have shown that honest, intelligent people can (and do) unconsciously engage in muscular activity that is consistent with their expectations and that suggestions that can guide behaviour can be given by subtle clues.

In other words, it is not supernatural at all!!!

Expose your fraudulent friends

If after a few alcoholic beverages, your friend decides that it would be a great idea to contact the deceased, have a bit of fun while showing what bullshit it really is. Completely invent the life of a dead relative that has never existed and briefly talk about them, do not give too much away. Watch as the hilarity enfolds as your friends and yourself communicate with a figment of your imagination. Then once the “session” is over and everybody says how “freaky” that experience was, explain that you have in fact been taking the piss. Chances are they may fall out with you, but at that point you will realise that you are better off hanging out with less gullible people

All information sourced from “Tricks of the mind” by Derren Brown and “The Skeptics Dictionary” by Robert Todd Carroll. In other word, none of this is my own work!!

GI

Our last name stays put.
The garage is all ours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
We can be President.
We can never be pregnant.
We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
We can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell us the truth.

The world is our urinal.
We never drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky.
We don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress~£2500. Tuxedo rental~£80.
People never stare at our chest when we’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
We know stuff about tanks.

A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
Wecan open all your own jars.
We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be your friend.
Our underwear is £4.00 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Wealmost never have strap problems in public.
We are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on our face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
We only have to shave your face and neck.
We can play with toys all your life.
Our belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons.
We can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
We can “do” our nails with a pen knife.
We have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

As my last couple of posts have been about bad things in the world, i thought it was a bout time i brought you something a little more cheerful.

First up, fresh from carvin’ the powder of the piste…. The powder snake himself Mr Marc Campbell has returned to our shores bringing with him tales of love, life, snowboarding and baking!!! It is only a temp stop though as th lucky Barsteward is jetting out to Austria tomorrow for the Summer Season.

Now if I was a beleiver in fate (which I am not!!!) I would say that Marc showing up in time to join me in seeing Yudee live on Sunday night at the Classic Grand in Glasgow was fate, but realistically I know it was chance But was good as I thought I was gonna miss my favorite Hipity Hopity outfit as no one else wanted to go with me

Still the Switch was there, the crowd was small and the gig was excellent, read my gig review if you can be arsed

Tuesday night myself and the Charming Manipulator went to see Danny Boyle’s
Sunshine

Dark days are coming.

I liked it, kinda follwed a formula like films such as Event Horizon but still an enjoyable flick. Although a different genre it reminded me a bit of 28 Days later, Boyles horror flick of which i am also a fan, looking forward to 28 Weeks later as well

Special effects are stunning and is generally just a good Sci movie in GI’s book.

Anyways, off to see the “porn” movie as decribed by KFK, 300 tonight with Marc before he disappears again for the summer.

More comments again soon!!!

GI

As you would expect, the newspapers have been full of the story about the Tragic events at Virginia Tech, I appreciate the fact that this has to be reported, but for fuck sake the event is already horriffic enough, it doesn’t need the fucking opinion of the reporters, do your fucking job and tells the facts…. Not your opinions. Judgements made on Cho’s character by these so called journalists are not needed. The readers have the intelligence to see how messed up the situation was and the mentally unstable state the perpertrator of this crime was. We don’t need you telling us about “The scowling madman ” (Daily Record) or “CRAZED Cho Seung-Hui” (Sun), but thank you for stating the obvious!!!

Another thing they talk about is the warning signs, his writings etc. BULLSHIT, there are more sick, twisted, evil, sadistic works of fiction out there at the moment written by well know people. His play should be banned because it was absoulte shite, nothing more, just shite.

They are now starting to look at what Cho watched and played (video game wise) so no doubt there will be partial blame put on that (although Ironically, the amount of coverage and fame that the media give Fuck-ups like Cho will not be mentioned). Here is a new flash. I play “Violent” video games, read “violent books” and watch “Violent TV” and I do not have the slightest inclination to go out and do what Cho did. Look at places like Sierra Leone that had kids running about committing Murder, and that was due to adult influence, fuck all to do with TV or computer games.

Inceidently, showing his video constantly, giving him exactly what he wanted, his 15 minutes, is not exactly doing the victims of this crime a favour either

Lets us never forget this tragic event, but for fucksake, lets no keep ramming it in the faces of the victims families, the survivors or any other peope connected to this terrible terrible ordeal.

I appologise for the exessive swearing, but that coz I hate the FUCKING PRESS!!

I am back from Germany safe and sound, enjoyed myself but that’s not the purpose of this post. When I was out there I had quite a powerfully profound experience. Although it was not my idea, I visited Bergen-Belsen and it got me thinking……

Belsen was not set up as a camp for extermination purposes, originally a prisoner of war camp in 1940, in 1943 a section was handed over to the SS where the camp was to be used for the intention of exchanging Jews for Germans held in internment abroad. The camp quickly became overcrowded, there were not enough provisions of food and water for the detainees, poor sanitary conditions led to all sorts of disease and without proper medical treatment soon became rampant through out the camp, there was a crematorium which burned night and day to dispose of bodies, but it was not quick enough, hence the mass graves. By the time Belsen was liberated by the British in 1945, approximately 50,000 concentration camp prisoners and 20,000 prisoners of war died there.

Gee thanks for the history lesson Guy, I hear you say, but I just wanted to give a little back story before saying what I want to say.

When you first walk in to the camp you are in amongst some of the most horrific pictures I have ever seen. Human beings being treated like animals, starving, dead, scared, horrified animals. I chose not to take pictures in here as I felt it would be in bad taste. But looking around I had an enormous sense of sadness and disgust at what people are capable of doing to each other.

Walking round the actual camp was not much better, although the structures are no longer there, the mass graves are clearly marked. Again in the interest of taste and respect, I did not photograph any of these. Each of the graves gives an indication of the amount of people buried in them ranging from 500 to 1500 and it is hard to imagine so many bodies in such small areas.

Yeah Guy, you were in a bad place and felt bad, who wouldn’t?

My point is this; Belsen is set up as a memorial. It is meant to serve as a reminder of some of the dark things the human race is capable of doing, but it doesn’t. WW2 is still within living memory (the memory of people alive) and the events shocked the world, but how many times were similar events duplicated throughout the subsequent years? The Killing Fields of Cambodia, El Salvador, Uganda, even today Iraq seems to show images reminiscent of a past atrocity that disgusts most of the world.

To me Belsen is a Museum not a Memorial, not through the fault of the curators of Belsen but because of the rest of the world, we build such things to try and remind us what foul things we are capable of in the hope of never repeating them, but instead of learning by this, we do repeat the mistake time and time again. Only once humanity has learned by camps like Belsen can it truly be called a Memorial.

GI

I am off to Germany, everyone have a good Easter.

sehen Sie Sie allen später, Auf Wiedersehen

GI