Ok kids…….It’s Rant time!!

It’s come to my attention that I keep reviewing movies that I like, but lets be honest I have seen movies that made me want me to beat my head against a wall repeatedly until whats left of my brain oozes out and I escape from the torture of ever commiting that movie to my memory.

One such movie is ‘The Village’. When I was on my daily outing to the slop house known as ‘Morrisons’ to see what vile substances I could digest to slowy rot out my insides (and I am talking about the food and not bleach etc) I noticed that you can now buy this piece of crap on DVD, I was suddenly struck with horror and my viens turned to ice as the deepest, darkest parts of my memory reminded me that I had unfortunatley witnessed the catastrophy of a movie in the cinema.

Honestly, who keeps giving M. Night Shyamalan money to make movies? The man is a one trick pony!! Sixth sense, weird supernatural story and a twist at the end. Signs, weird supernatural story, ……well I can’t even remember if there was a twist, it was just bollocks (why would Aliens that can be killed by water attack a planet that is covered in water, water falls from the sky and the humans that they are harvesting also contain a high percentage of water, come on!!) The Village, weird supernatural story, twist at the end. Even a blind person’s guide dog can see the patterns!!

“But Guy, what about Unbreakable” I hear you whine, well the truth is I liked Unbreakable. To make this movie, M. Night Shyamalan must have put his hands down his trousers and realised that he had a pair. It was an original idea on how to show Superheros in movies, and I liked that.

But people, 1 out of 4 is not a good batting average. You can see the twists in his flicks coming like someone painted them in bright yellow across the screen at the very beginning. Fight Club, Usual Suspects, Red Rock West, Empire Strikes Back, these are movies with great twists.

I worked out the twist in The Village very quickly as I’m sure everone else in the audience with an IQ higher than a plank of wood did. I should have saved myself the torture of sitting through the whole bloody thing, walked out went up to the cash desk in the cinema and said ‘Oi you, give me my money back, or let me in to see a good movie before I douse myself in petrol and turn myself into the human torch as a protest against M. Night Shyamalan and his crappy movies and take you and you corporate cinema’s ass with me”.

Do yourself and the rest of the world a favour kids, don’t buy the DVD it will only give M. Night Shyamalan the funds to make another supernatural film, with a twist, and insult our intelligence all over again!!!!

G.I.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 15th, 2005 at 6:55 pm and is filed under $8 Bucks Back. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.